Mixed Feelings

Not sure where to write all this down even! Main blog, private blog, or journal? How’s that for mixed feelings to start? So much going on in life and I’m weary of decision-making.
1) So I’m ready to not have the uncomfortableness of being pregnant full-term, but when I’m not, that will mean I’ll have a newborn to look after instead, which is not going to be more relaxing or anything like that. Which means I want him to hurry up and come, but I don’t. Guess that’s not really in my power to say anyway, so I shouldn’t worry about it. But I will.
2) Then there’s a baby shower - I really don’t think there’s time to have one, which is ok with me, but I had really wanted to use it as an opportunity to help include Sabrina (my visiting teachee) in the ward. But it will mean pushing myself to be more involved than I wanted to be and it will have to be squeezed in somewhere, somehow. So I want to have a shower but don’t. I’m currently leaning towards don’t.
3) Chad’s grandmother passed away yesterday. Chad is flying out for her funeral this week. He leaves early Wednesday morning and comes home Friday night, but works as soon as the plane touches down. So I’ll be husband-less for basically 4 days, is how I see it. Of course I want him to go, and I really don’t think the baby will come this week, but it still makes me kinda nervous that he’ll be physically unable to be around if the baby does come for 3 full days when it’s possible the baby could come. I want him to go but I want him to be here. He’s bought his tickets, so I guess it’s moot to think about it, but I am.
4) I want to go to Amy’s wedding but I don’t want to be the drag I know I’ll be with a newborn there. I want to stay here and have my mom come out and be with me during that time, but I don’t want to give up the option of going. The problem is when to buy the tickets? And for what days? The longer we wait, the more expensive they become. But the longer we wait, the more sure of the outcome/answer we become. I think I’m going to have to suck-it-up and make a choice and live with the consequences. I’m probably not going to go - the rest is still murky.