"No" Success

This was a drafted post I never published (don't remember why) written in January of 2010. I'm posting it now for my depression group to read. :)


This past week was my "No" week and it went pretty well. It's the only week on my calendar this month with only 3 things penciled in to do. It was nice feeling like I didn't have to say "yes" to anything (though since everyone knew, I didn't get asked for much) but it did get a little boring and lonely since my husband was still working quite a bit. But it was a successful experiement and I am glad I did it. It was good practice in saying "no" and learning boundaries and limitations in what I can do. And it was nice to have a mini "vacation" without the stress of planning a trip. I think everyone should try it out! If you do decide to do it, here are some tips for having a successful "No" week:
1) Pick a week not too far in advance so you have an idea of what would usually be going on that week. It should be one that already looks fairly uncluttered (no major obligations you'd have to break your rule for like kid's birthdays or church talks or whatever) The idea is to decrease stress, not re-arrange things to take a week off and increase your stress before and after.
2) EVERYONE has to agree to do it - spouse, kids, dog, whatever. It's no good for you to say "no" if your husband is going to tell people "yes" and clutter-up your week with too many obligations. You want to have time as a family (well, that was my point), and that takes the whole family participating for it to work.
3) Make plans, but not definite ones. You don't want to agree to sub for someone's class or babysit their kids because you want to be free to change your plans without guilt if you suddenly decide you'd rather spend the day at the beach than watching 5 kids. But you don't want to be bored or feel left out. Again, it's about decreasing stress. If you find yourself free and bored, go volunteer to help someone - just don't set yourself up to feel obligated to do so or guilty if you can't. Maybe you will join the girls for lunch, or maybe you'll put the kid down early for a nap and take a nice bath instead.
4) Stay flexible. You may have to say "yes" to some things. For us, our investigator family finally chose a baptism date and it was this saturday night and they wanted us to participate in the program. Of course we said "yes!" But it was a joyful occasion, not a stressful one. And then if someone gets sick and needs to see a doctor, that's a no brainer. Sometimes things just happen and that's ok. Plan for it and then since the rest of the week is free, it won't be so bad if a crisis does crop up.
5) Enjoy it. Don't feel bad about taking a week off from the world. Like there aren't enough things at home to catch up with! And everyone will still be there. In fact, you can always call them and invite them to do something with you if that's what you want and are free to do. I actually got a little bored and lonely, and this next week is a little crowded, but I don't feel stressed - getting to the point of boredom is actually a great refresher! It makes you ready to do lots of things again.
So those are my tips. Good luck, and relax!